The Quest For Happiness

Today, I am overwhelmed with joy and happiness. I don’t know exactly why or where it stemmed from but I know it was sent to me by my Father in Heaven. A couple of weeks ago, I had a mission reunion on BYU campus and President and Sister Packard were able to come from Texas. Every time I see and hear from them I am always filled with love and joy and gratitude for them, and for the experiences they helped me have on my mission. While president was speaking I had kind of a sad feeling, a sort of depressed feeling that I wasn’t good enough to be friends with the Packard’s or the other missionaries. But after the meeting I went to talk with President and Sister Packard, and President immediately hugged me and told me how proud he is of me and how happy I look. That shocked me because I was not feeling happy at all but for some reason I portrayed to him happiness and contentment in my life. That really stuck to me and I have been thinking about it ever since. I went home and talked to my mom about it and she said the same thing that I look exceedingly happy, and I could not understand why, especially when I was actually feeling down and sad about myself and my life. But today, I have a new perspective.

I was sitting in relief society today, and we were talking about Christ-like love and how we have seen it and felt it in our lives. There was this nagging feeling in me that wanted me to feel bad for myself, and not be happy or feel loved. But the thing is, it couldn’t stay. I don’t know how to describe it but I recognized that it was there but it was extremely faint. I had/have far too much happiness and love in my heart and my mind today that negative thoughts could not latch on and live. I was set apart as a Temple Patron after church by Brother Bill Betz. He is the new second counselor in the bishopric. He is amazing and so kind and loving. As a temple patron I will be expected to attend the temple weekly and encourage others to go as well. They are thinking of making it a committee so we can make a bigger difference in the ward in helping everyone attend more frequently. I am really excited! I am already getting ideas of talking to the Elders Quorum and Relief Society and making a ward temple day or something along those lines. Brother Betz gave me such a lovely and endearing blessing which really filled my heart to overflowing with love and gratitude. He talked a lot about how proud Heavenly Father is of me and how aware He is of me, my wants, needs, and deepest desires. My Father is grateful for my faith and love for Him and His Son. After the blessing Brother Betz was telling me how women are given so much in the church and from our Father in Heaven and one thing that God gives the men to try and keep up with the women is the priesthood. And with the priesthood they are able to see a glimpse of how God truly sees us and who we really are, and Brother Betz just looked at me and said simply but with such love and admiration, “you are amazing”, and then thanked me for my faithfulness and service. He also told me not to get comfortable in this one calling because they, the bishopric, have been talking about me. I told him that I would love to serve in any capacity they want, I just want to serve. I have the greatest and deepest desire, right now, to serve and lift the hands that hang down, the hearts that are troubled and weary, and the weak who need some extra strength.

I cannot contain my happiness today. There is so much to be grateful for. My Father is leading me along, I know it. I know He led me here, to Utah State, for a reason. I love this ward, I don’t know what it is about it but it has such a wonderful spirit about it. Everyone I meet is another incredible person that I dearly want to get to know better and be friends with. I am so grateful for the people I met here and have as friends. I am so incredible blessed! I love and revere my God and my Savior. I love the gospel and the complete joy it brings and will bring in the eternities. I am so humbled today. I am deeply grateful for my family, each and every one of them. They bring so much to my life and my joy. They each bring so much faith, joy, and many other special characteristics to our family. I cannot wait to have a family of my own to add to this incredible family unit.

I have so much on my mind and heart but I cannot bring the right words to explain my feelings. All I can really say is, I have never felt so happy in my life. I am incredibly grateful for the millions of blessings the Lord has sent down to all of us here on earth at this time. We are so lucky to be here in the last days.

It's Not the End, It's Just a New Beginning

It has taken me a while to sit down and actually write my last post. I have been home for two months now and I just haven't been able to get myself to do it. I guess it has been hard because I miss my mission like crazy. I did not expect it to be this hard to adjust back to life. My mission means the world to me, I learned so much about myself, the gospel, and life in general. It has totally changed me, to say the least. I try to keep in mind the things my mission president taught me; to not make the last 18 months the best of my life, but the beginning of the best of my life. My mission isn't over per say, it is just beginning. My mission was like the MTC for the rest of my life. I will never forget the experiences and the changes that I had on my mission. Now I have so many new experiences and resources to apply in my life.

I might be a little biased, just as any missionary may be about their mission president, but I had the best mission president and presidency I could have ever asked for. They did wonders for me. I feel so blessed to have had them as my leaders. They are such a powerhouse presidency!! First, we have the incredible President Packard, with his texan accent and his quickened excitement and enthusiasm, the fatherly figure and great love that you can tangibly feel emanating from him. Then, President Christensen, the humble, wise, peaceful, friend, but so incredibly strong example to us all. Last, but not least, President Haight. I just love and respect him so so much. He is very tender, proper, genius, can totally see right through you, but the kindest, happiest, most loving person you will ever meet. I can never truly explain how much they have changed my life, because "you cannot explain in words things that can only be experienced". Every time any one of them taught us, I was just filled to the brim with light, knowledge, understanding, love, and excitement for the gospel. I will forever miss those sweet experiences.

So I started writing this probably around November 2014. It is now October 20, 2015. As you can see I have been putting this off for a lot longer than a while.. But Now I have decided to keep up a blog! So naturally I have to finish this one off just to make me feel better. This past year has been full of wonderful and scary up's and down's. I have learned so much about myself and how to apply the gospel more to my life after the mission. I went to BYUI one last semester and got my associates. Afterwards, I went on a Baltic Cruise with my dad's side of the family, went to Boston for the fourth of July with some mission friends, decided to attend Utah State University, attend my best friend, Andrea's wedding in B.C. Canada, go backpacking with my brother, Andrew, and made an awesome new life in Logan, Utah. It's been quite the year! Nothing like I had imagined or expected.

Relating this to the end of my mission in New England, and how I am applying my experiences to my life now, I have been more able to rely on the Lord and trust in His timing. Of course, it hasn't been easy but my relationship with Him has definitely been strengthened even more since I have returned home. For a while I felt a dip in my spirituality, and I may still feel that at times, but I know it has been strengthened because I think of Him all the time, I remember my mission, I read my scriptures and pray everyday, I attend church and the temple. On my mission my main focus was on God and bringing others to Christ, but now, after my mission I have a lot more on my mind; school, money/job, friends, future and present family, and above all incorporating the gospel in every aspect of my life. Definitely isn't easy, but I am managing and I am loving life!

This is basically a very short summary of what I learned on my mission; how to apply the gospel to my everyday life. I loved when President Packard would talk to us about this subject and he would always say, "from now on, your main priority is your future family. Everything you do, every choice you make is for the benefit of your future spouse and children. Whether or not you do your homework, where you go to school, the friends you make, how you spend your time and money, etc... Everything will lead to your future family, they are what matter the most." I love President Packard and his always awe inspiring advice and wisdom. I hope I have made good choices this past year that will strengthen my future family. I am grateful for my mission and for the experiences I had there, and the incredible people I met who changed my life. I definitely got more out of my mission than anyone I served, taught, was companions with, served around and so on. It was the best decision I have made in my entire life (so far :) ).